Last weekend I set off to make a tray of gougeres, only to discover that I did not have enough butter to make an appropriately balanced pate a choux! I was so angry I rifled my ascot into my Hungarian manservant’s chambers and ordered him straight to the creamery!
I suppose it could have been worse. Like I could have been born in Chad, where rising global food costs have inspired many citizens to start eating plates of fried blood. They call the dish “vampire”:
Ms Danbe is one of many women in the city’s Walia neighbourhood, close to the Cameroonian border, who has taken to frying up huge vats of blood and selling it to her neighbours on the streets.
She buys buckets of fresh blood from the abattoir near her home for about $1 (£0.61), which makes about 40 plates of “vampire”.
Each plate sells for about $0.2 (£0.1), so after the costs of the other ingredients her profit is about $7 (£4.3).
In all seriousness, we shouldn’t be too grossed out by this. Blood has been a staple cooking ingredient in many cultures — especially those that don’t spell cheese with a z to make it sound COOLER — and is plenty high in nutrients that people need to survive.
In all unseriousness — there haven’t been this many vampires in Chad since the Twilight premiere party at Frankenberry’s house. OH! ZING!