I thought he looked a little stumpy

Pax Arcana

toe_tagYou know how sometimes your hot dog is too long for the bun, and it’s a pain in the ass because you already put mustard on it, and now it’s going to drip on your chinos and the whole fourth of July is going to be ruined? So you have to bite off the excess hot dog in order to make it fit right?

South Carolina businessman Michael Cave knows the feeling all too well. Only instead of hot dogs, he did it with some dude’s dead body:

The South Carolina funeral board has revoked the licenses of a funeral home and its director for cutting the legs off a 6-foot-7 man so his corpse would fit in a casket.

Hey listen, grieving widow, I know we said the coffins were once-size-fits-all, but your husband was, like, really tall. So we cut his legs off a little bit. It was either that or take his neck out.

The best part, however, is that this all happened five years ago. And that the body was exhumed after investigators heard “rumors” that the dead man’s legs had been truncated. I bet you could have scared the shit out of those investigators if you snuck up behind them during the exhumation and yelled “YAHTZEE!” just as they were opening the casket. They probably would have shot you, though, and then cut your legs off before burying you. And so the cycle of violence continues in this country.

Mortuary’s license revoked for cutting corpse [MSNBC]



Filed under journalism

4 responses to “I thought he looked a little stumpy

  1. No random 10? Well i’ll still post mine!

    1. Marvin Gaye – Whats Going On
    2. Etta James – At Last
    3. Bobby Blue Bland – Aint No Love in the Heart of the City
    4. Clarence Edwards, Cornelius Edwards, Butch Cage – Smokestack Lightnin’
    5. George Palmer Macias – Moving Along (note: this is my old boss)
    6. Greyboy – Hold it Down (feat. Muddie) (Greyboy Remix)
    7. Glen Hansard – Gold
    8. Femi Kuti – Do Your Best
    9. Bowerbirds – Olive Hearts
    10. The Band – The Hobo Jungle

  2. Esquire

    The mortician cut off the guy’s LEGS to fit him in the casket? Was the casket only 4 feet long?

  3. Jaelynne

    I had a Fenway frank this weekend and your analogy made me think about biting somebody’s legs off when I started to eat it.

  4. Shit — I totally meant to give you credit for this one, too. Hey everybody, Jaelynne emailed me that cutting-legs-off-the-guy story last week.

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