For nearly three years, I labored under the false notion that the most dangerous thing in my workplace was Father Scott’s beard — in which he stores fishing equipment and, if my instincts are correct, a small handful of month-old Pringles.
But as it turns out, the most dangerous thing in my workplace is this very machine upon which I type (Note — only because I can’t get my steampunk typewriter online yet). According to Time magazine, computer-related injuries are worse than herpes and much less fun to contract:
Accidents like these happen more often than you think. According to a study published in the July issue of the American Journal of Preventive Medicine — the first to tally acute computer-caused injuries like cuts and bruises — 9,300 Americans suffer such mishaps each year. Based on data from some 100 hospital emergency rooms across the country from 1994 to 2006, the study found that 78,703 people sustained injuries ranging from scrapes and bruises to contusions and torn muscles during the 13-year study period.
In part, the high rate of injury reflects the sheer increase in household computer ownership, which jumped 309% over the same period. But computer exposure and injuries hardly rose in lockstep: injuries far outpaced ownership, growing 732% from 1994 to 2006.
“I found that to be really astounding,” says study co-author Lara McKenzie, assistant professor of pediatrics at Nationwide Children’s Hospital’s Center for Injury Research and Policy. “We never see increases like that, and we look at consumer products all the time.”
It would be one thing if these reported injuries were bumps and bruises from tripping over power cords or dropping laptops on our feet, but the truth is much more, um, stabby?
In all age groups, the most frequently diagnosed injury was laceration, making up 39% of cases.
I’ve had a lot of computers in my life, and I’ve hated almost all of them (RIP THINKPAD T-40!! YOU STILL MY DAWG!!). But despite my best efforts to provoke them, I can honestly say I’ve never had a computer just jump up and cut me like that. It’s probably because they know I don’t play. I WILL DROWN YOU IN A BATHTUB, YOU PIECE OF SHIT.
0011000 1001010001011 000111111000000 0111001110 I’m sorry I don’t 011110 0111001110 know what’s happening to my screen 001110111101001 110100 000110 looks funny right now 0111011 00111 010011110 110101 1110000 110 1110011 011111 0001110 1110110