I consider myself a virile man of the American heartland. I stand astride large boulders and wipe the sweat from my brow with palms dirty from the long day’s labor. I squint my eyes in the noonday sun and hold doors for ladies. I eat ribs — bones and all.
Still, there’s something about this new Burger King ad that’s got me all twisted up inside. I can’t put my finger on why, exactly, but every time I see this advertisement, my mind drifts off and I start thinking about penises. Big ‘ol penises, to be exact.
Some might call it “subliminal advertising,” but I’ve never put much stock in fancy book learnin’ or armchair psychologizin’. To me a man should just say what he thinks and give you the straight truth. There’s right and wrong in this world, and there’s black and white. And there’s a lot of penises. And I’m hungry. For a penis.