The Wall Street Journal is concerned about your cankles

Pax Arcana

canklesWhile I have criticized the newspaper industry and its often boneheaded business sense at length in this space, it is true that these organizations still provide the overwhelming majority of in-depth and important newsgathering. For example, did you know that some people have thick ankles? And that thick ankles are often derisively referred to as “cankles”? And that people are embarrassed by them?

Of course you did. You probably heard your first “cankles” reference in the late 90s. But hey, look — the Wall Street Journal just found out about it, too!

To get swimsuit-ready, Jennie Succio adopted a grueling workout regimen that included running uphill and doing dozens of lunges and squats. But she wasn’t going for a sculpted derrière or a chiseled abdomen.

Ms. Succio, 32 years old and the owner of a housecleaning business in Minnesota, wanted to slim down her chubby ankles.

No one will notice your dishpan hands if you have slim lower gams, cleaning lady.

But surely there’s more to the story than one sad 32 year old struggling to reengineer key components of her natural body composition. Clearly this portmaneau deserves its own trend story — like the riches heaped upon puns like “staycation” and “metrosexual”. Oh hey look:

The circumference of a woman’s ankle is about 11 inches, on average. That’s not much to obsess about. But enough Americans are concerned about fat ankles — or “cankles” — that gyms are coming up with new ways to tone them; plastic surgeons are pushing $4,000 to $6,000 liposuction procedures to slim them; and shoe companies are offering special models designed to minimize them.

If I were a cynical person, I’d say it appears that there are entire industries out there that profit from women’s insecurities. And that they actively increase the volume and strength of women’s insecurities by promoting “cures” for problems women didn’t know they had.

But I’m not cynical. That’s why I just founded The Pax Arcana Eyelid Stapling Program. Because let’s face it, ladies — no one likes a blinky woman.

For the Body-Conscious, It’s Now the Ankle That Rankles [WSJ]



Filed under journalism

4 responses to “The Wall Street Journal is concerned about your cankles

  1. Fallen Angel

    you found your house cleaner!

  2. I’m still holding out for Father Scott.

  3. Kay Linders

    Lipedema. It’s real and it affects 11% of all women–the ones who have those dreaded “cankles” that everyone loves to poke fun at. It’s a lymphatic disorder. There is no cure. It does not respond to diet or exercise. It’s genetic, degenerative, often misdiagnosed, and little understood. People, especially in America, think that those with lipedema are just fat people who don’t exercise. My sister and I are both healthy, size 4, mid-30s women, who eat moderately and work out vigorously 3 to 5 times per week. We were recently diagnosed by a lymphatic specialist who told us that plastic surgery (liposuction) is a very dangerous option for women suffering from lipedema and can actually exacerbate the problem. Don’t fall for corporate fitness gimmicks designed to play on your insecurities. Some high-impact exercises can actually make “cankles” worse. Your best bet: medical compression stockings and massage therapy.

  4. Pingback: I have "cankles" and didn't even know it. | Eating Disorder Resource Anorexia Bulimia Help

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