Contemporary historians have already documented that kilts, tartans, cabers, funny talking, blue face paint, rage, and public drunkenness are not native to Scotland as once believed.
Now a food historian named Catherine Brown says that Haggis — the oatmeal, liver and blood-filled sheep’s intestine the Scots love so dearly — is actually a British invention and therefore both effeminate and doughy:
The writer, herself a Scot, found a reference to the ‘delicacy’ in the 17th century book ‘The English Hus-wife’, by Gervase Markham.
It says ‘small oat meal mixed with the blood, and the liver of either sheep, calfe, or swine, maketh that pudding which is called the Haggas, or Haggus of whose goodnesse it is vain to boast, because there is hardly to be found a man that doth not affect (like) them.’
The book predates Robert Burns’ ode to Haggis by 171 years, causing historians to suggest that Haggis — like many of the things we consider “Scottish” — originated in England and found its way north after the fact.
When reached for comment, the Scottish said “AHHH FACK OFF YA FACKIN’ WANKERRR OR I’LL RUN YA THROUGH WITH ME RUSTY POLE.” So I guess they disagree.
If you’re a Scot, look away now [Daily Mail]