Category Archives: pax arcana

My kingdom will soon be reunited!

For men of great power, the machinations of political fortune or misfortune are most often shrouded from the prying eyes of the public — a silent, unscrupulous waltz in the inky shadows of dimly lit parlor rooms.

Sometimes, however, your political rivals simply drop dead.

So it was that Giorgio Carbone, erstwhile Prince of Seborga, died — and in doing so removed the last great obstacle in my quest to reunite the ancient thrones of Greater Paximiliano. Seborga — a tiny province nestled adjacent to the Italian riviera — is not the final step, but it has proven the most intractable, thanks to the admittedly awesome rule of Carbone:

After convincing his Seborgan neighbors of their true significance, Giorgio Carbone was elected prince in 1963. He gracefully accepted the informal title of His Tremendousness, and was elected prince for life in 1995 by a vote of 304 to 4. Voters then ratified Seborga’s independence, which, by the prince’s interpretation, it already had.

Prince Giorgio established a palace, wrote a Constitution, and set up a cabinet and a parliament. He chose a coat of arms, minted money (with his picture), issued stamps (with his picture) and license plates, selected a national anthem and mobilized a standing army, consisting of Lt. Antonello Lacala. He adopted a motto: Sub umbra sede (Sit in the shade).

While Carbone was my rival lo these many years, I plan to keep Lt. Lacala in his position. I cannot afford to lose the support of the military. I will also keep Carbone’s picture on the money and retain the national motto, because it would take forever to photoshop new Seborgan dollars and, let’s face it, sitting in the shade is awfully relaxing.

Giorgio Carbone, Elected Prince of Seborga, Dies at 73 [NYT]

Leave a comment

Filed under pax arcana

Our most popular post

Father Scott

Because of our paucity of posting of late, Paxites have been forced to comb through the archives. The most popular story of each of the last few days, by far?

This one.

Good choice, readers. It’s my favorite of Pax’s titles, but I imagine it has something more to do with Shark Week than Senor Arcana’s journalistic skillz. So let’s give Discovery Channel a free plug. There’s no way we would have reached double-digit readership without them.

2 Comments

Filed under pax arcana

Thursday Morning Filler: Links, bitchez

Pax Arcana

I’ve been in the weeds for so long that my pants are covered in burrs and there’s a family of earwigs setting up camp in my socks. As I continue to slash my way back to your loving embrace, please enjoy these links:

  • This CNBC guy is literally losing his mind. It’s transfixing. And hilarious. [Gawker]
  • If you think the Redskins shouldn’t change their nickname, you’re a fucking douchebag. For real. [Yahoo! Sports]
  • As if you needed another reason to love Jimmy Kimmel, he tore up a roomful of TV and ad execs to their faces a few days ago. [NYT]
  • Remember that asshole mockingbird that you got in a fight with? Well guess what — he remembers you, too. [Guardian]
  • This optical illusion is the coolest explanation for what curveballs look like to a batter and why they’re so hard to hit. [Illusion of the Year]
  • If I lived in Boston proper, I would definitely vote for Bill Trabucco. His Web site is a thing to behold. [Welcome to My Web site]
  • The reason the standard text message is only 160-characters long is because a guy with a typewriter in 1985 thought that was “sufficient.” Just RTFA. [LA Times]

1 Comment

Filed under pax arcana

Who swallowed the orange?

Trust me, I feel better than I look.

1 Comment

Filed under pax arcana

All quiet on the Pax Arcana front

Father Scott

Pax is out sick today, so don’t expect much from us unless Perry writes out a 12 billion word screed about the facial hair of the bassist of The Hold Steady.

If you’re curious, Pax is out with a case of chronic goofyface, which he picked up at this weekend’s flag football game.

dsc_0038dw1

I, on the other hand, step up in the face of adversity.

dsc_0232zoom

Please. Like women diving at my crotch is anything new for me.

8 Comments

Filed under pax arcana

Perry Amnesia: Happy Anniversary to the Arcanas

Perry Ellis

With chagrin at its belateditude, we’re sending out a hearty “Happy Anniversary!” to Pax Arcana and the discerning and delightful Mrs. Arcana. Congratulations on three years down and many, many more to come. Hopefully we’ll raise a glass in person soon to celebrate, you crazy kids.

2 Comments

Filed under miscellaneous, New Jersey, pax arcana, Vikings

It’s one year later and what did we learn?

Pax Arcana

My Hungarian manservant just lugged a dusty volume up the library stairs to my haunt in the belfry of the Pax Arcanium and informed me that we’d forgotten that August 4, 2008 was the one-year anniversary of this blog.

Don’t worry. We bought ourselves flowers and had furious make-up sex to atone.

Anyway, we’re not going to dwell too much on our favorite posts of the past year, since that seems to be better suited for calendar years than anniversaries. However, we would like to take this opportunity to consider what, if anything, we learned over the past year — as we grew from a floating hunk of Internet flotsam to a slightly bigger floating hunk of Internet flotsam that confuses the universe at a rate of about 27,000 page views per month.

First let’s consider what we — meaning me plus contributors Father Scott, Perry Ellis, Fallen Angel, and the Reverend E — learned about ourselves:

Now let’s consider some facts we learned about the outside world:

As we embark on our second year in business, I’d like to thank my crew of contributors. Their laziness and lack of creativity makes me feel genuinely good about myself — and that’s worth something, right? Now back to work, bitches.

Leave a comment

Filed under pax arcana

Pax Power Ranger

Perry Ellis

Devoted readers are well aware of our gracious host’s prowess with bat, ball and tight trousers — after all, the man does hold several Middlebury slugging records.

But even the most assiduous of Pax Arcanites might not realize that the gentleman in question remains a force to be reckoned with, especially at the plate. As someone with just enough coordination to ride a bike without falling down (much), I admire people who can actually play sports with other, fast-moving objects.

Especially when they’re good at it. Here are the Paxman’s year-to-date stats as the David Ortiz of the Boston Men’s Baseball League Rangers:

G AB R H RBI BB SO OBP SLG AVG OPS
6 21 5 11 4 1 4 0.522 0.905 0.524 1.427

It’s enough to make you run to the Pax Arcana Store and buy one of those spiffy T-shirts, ain’t it?

And here’s the best part:


Awww. Vikings are so cute when they’re small.

6 Comments

Filed under baseball, Middlebury, pax arcana, sports, Vikings

This day in history

Perry Ellis

On this day in history, the following notable events occurred:

In 1809, Mary Kies of South Killingly, Conn., became the first woman to be granted a patent. The patent was for the rights to a technique for weaving straw with silk and thread.

In 1821, Napoleon Bonaparte died on the island of St. Helena.

In 1864, American newspaper writer Nellie Bly was born.

In 1891, Carnegie Hall (then known as Music Hall) opened in New York City, with Peter Tchaikovsky as guest conductor.

In 1925, John Scopes was arrested in Tennessee for teaching Darwinism.

In 1961, Alan Shepard became the first American in space.

In 1981, Bobby Sands of the Irish Republican Army died in a prison hospital on the 66th day of his hunger strike.

In 2004, Pablo Picasso’s “Boy with a Pipe” became the most expensive painting ever sold.

And, of course, in 1976, a woman in New Jersey gave birth to a beautiful, blond, 17-pound Viking warrior destined to save the human race from the triple-threat scourges of zombies, bad food and silly ideas.

 
             I can has razor pleez?

Happy Birthday Paxman! We’ll be thinking of you tonight, as you sip mead from the skulls of your enemies, during our 2-hour infant CPR class.

3 Comments

Filed under New Jersey, pax arcana, scandinavia, Vikings, zombies

Pax self-congratulata (Hello, Boston.com readers!)

Pax Arcana

We’ve always been proud of our content at Pax Arcana. We write goofy blog posts about science, baseball, DIII women’s hoops, music, and videos of people getting socked in the nugget pouch — not for attention or (Lord knows) money. We do it to make our friends giggle.

So imagine my surprise to see the below on the front page of Boston.com, a Web site we read every day, but to which we haven’t always been kind, to say the least. Turns out our Ricky Gervais rambling from earlier today bounced all around the intertubes and found purchase on the front page of Boston.com.

(Click to enlarge)
boston_com_paxarcana_circle_cropped.jpg

Anyway, it’s neat that big leaguers like Bostonist, Universal Hub, and Boston.com have taken a shine to Pax Arcana. We appreciate the extra hits.

If you have enjoyed your time on Pax Arcana, remember this: It’s almost baseball season, and that’s when we really heat up.

Boston.com [Home]
People who buy ink by the barrel should never get into arguments with comedians [Universal Hub]
Lowell Sun vs. Ricky Gervais: It’s On [Bostonist]

4 Comments

Filed under pax arcana