Category Archives: pax arcana

My kingdom will soon be reunited!

For men of great power, the machinations of political fortune or misfortune are most often shrouded from the prying eyes of the public — a silent, unscrupulous waltz in the inky shadows of dimly lit parlor rooms.

Sometimes, however, your political rivals simply drop dead.

So it was that Giorgio Carbone, erstwhile Prince of Seborga, died — and in doing so removed the last great obstacle in my quest to reunite the ancient thrones of Greater Paximiliano. Seborga — a tiny province nestled adjacent to the Italian riviera — is not the final step, but it has proven the most intractable, thanks to the admittedly awesome rule of Carbone:

After convincing his Seborgan neighbors of their true significance, Giorgio Carbone was elected prince in 1963. He gracefully accepted the informal title of His Tremendousness, and was elected prince for life in 1995 by a vote of 304 to 4. Voters then ratified Seborga’s independence, which, by the prince’s interpretation, it already had.

Prince Giorgio established a palace, wrote a Constitution, and set up a cabinet and a parliament. He chose a coat of arms, minted money (with his picture), issued stamps (with his picture) and license plates, selected a national anthem and mobilized a standing army, consisting of Lt. Antonello Lacala. He adopted a motto: Sub umbra sede (Sit in the shade).

While Carbone was my rival lo these many years, I plan to keep Lt. Lacala in his position. I cannot afford to lose the support of the military. I will also keep Carbone’s picture on the money and retain the national motto, because it would take forever to photoshop new Seborgan dollars and, let’s face it, sitting in the shade is awfully relaxing.

Giorgio Carbone, Elected Prince of Seborga, Dies at 73 [NYT]

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Our most popular post

Father Scott

Because of our paucity of posting of late, Paxites have been forced to comb through the archives. The most popular story of each of the last few days, by far?

This one.

Good choice, readers. It’s my favorite of Pax’s titles, but I imagine it has something more to do with Shark Week than Senor Arcana’s journalistic skillz. So let’s give Discovery Channel a free plug. There’s no way we would have reached double-digit readership without them.

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Thursday Morning Filler: Links, bitchez

Pax Arcana

I’ve been in the weeds for so long that my pants are covered in burrs and there’s a family of earwigs setting up camp in my socks. As I continue to slash my way back to your loving embrace, please enjoy these links:

  • This CNBC guy is literally losing his mind. It’s transfixing. And hilarious. [Gawker]
  • If you think the Redskins shouldn’t change their nickname, you’re a fucking douchebag. For real. [Yahoo! Sports]
  • As if you needed another reason to love Jimmy Kimmel, he tore up a roomful of TV and ad execs to their faces a few days ago. [NYT]
  • Remember that asshole mockingbird that you got in a fight with? Well guess what — he remembers you, too. [Guardian]
  • This optical illusion is the coolest explanation for what curveballs look like to a batter and why they’re so hard to hit. [Illusion of the Year]
  • If I lived in Boston proper, I would definitely vote for Bill Trabucco. His Web site is a thing to behold. [Welcome to My Web site]
  • The reason the standard text message is only 160-characters long is because a guy with a typewriter in 1985 thought that was “sufficient.” Just RTFA. [LA Times]

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Who swallowed the orange?

Trust me, I feel better than I look.

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All quiet on the Pax Arcana front

Father Scott

Pax is out sick today, so don’t expect much from us unless Perry writes out a 12 billion word screed about the facial hair of the bassist of The Hold Steady.

If you’re curious, Pax is out with a case of chronic goofyface, which he picked up at this weekend’s flag football game.

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I, on the other hand, step up in the face of adversity.

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Please. Like women diving at my crotch is anything new for me.

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Perry Amnesia: Happy Anniversary to the Arcanas

Perry Ellis

With chagrin at its belateditude, we’re sending out a hearty “Happy Anniversary!” to Pax Arcana and the discerning and delightful Mrs. Arcana. Congratulations on three years down and many, many more to come. Hopefully we’ll raise a glass in person soon to celebrate, you crazy kids.

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It’s one year later and what did we learn?

Pax Arcana

My Hungarian manservant just lugged a dusty volume up the library stairs to my haunt in the belfry of the Pax Arcanium and informed me that we’d forgotten that August 4, 2008 was the one-year anniversary of this blog.

Don’t worry. We bought ourselves flowers and had furious make-up sex to atone.

Anyway, we’re not going to dwell too much on our favorite posts of the past year, since that seems to be better suited for calendar years than anniversaries. However, we would like to take this opportunity to consider what, if anything, we learned over the past year — as we grew from a floating hunk of Internet flotsam to a slightly bigger floating hunk of Internet flotsam that confuses the universe at a rate of about 27,000 page views per month.

First let’s consider what we — meaning me plus contributors Father Scott, Perry Ellis, Fallen Angel, and the Reverend E — learned about ourselves:

Now let’s consider some facts we learned about the outside world:

As we embark on our second year in business, I’d like to thank my crew of contributors. Their laziness and lack of creativity makes me feel genuinely good about myself — and that’s worth something, right? Now back to work, bitches.

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