Tag Archives: Australia

Australian political scandals are cute as koala bears

Pax Arcana

koalaYou can tell how important a country is by the type and size of scandal required to upset the sitting government.

Here in America, we just had a president who started a war by lying about what the enemy was doing and a vice president who drunkenly shot some dude in the muthafuckin’ face — and instead of throwing them both in Leavenworth we reelected them. Didn’t want to change horses in mid-stream, we told ourselves — even if the horse was walking with its head up its ass and shooting other horses in the face.

That’s what it’s like to live in the most powerful nation on earth. It takes a 10-mile stretch of highway just to slow us down, and another 20 before we can change direction.

Meanwhile, the Australian government is hanging by a thread because a car dealer who lent the Prime Minister a used SUV in 2007 also received money from a government program. Adorable!

In February, Mr Grant was one of several dealers seeking assistance from Ozcar, a government fund designed to help dealers needing credit to stock their showrooms.

Emails tabled at a Senate inquiry on Friday showed communications concerning Mr Grant’s request had been copied to Mr Swan’s ministerial advisers, as well as the Treasury secretary, Ken Henry. Two were sent to the Treasurer himself.

The Treasury official Godwin Grech, who is in charge of Ozcar, said Mr Grant was “not your average constituent”.

The Opposition claims this level of attention contravened Mr Swan’s statements to Parliament that Mr Grant received the same treatment as other dealers.

Fox_News_Wallaby
Reached for comment, wallaby pundit said the following:

“These blowies are cross as a frog in a sock, but all this earbashing is just furphy really. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m gonna go chuck a sickie and go hit the turps. I’m dry as a nun’s nasty today.”

Rudd swerves on car scandal [Sydney Morning Herald]

3 Comments

Filed under journalism

Fox News keeps you safe from killer robots

Pax Arcana

You may remember the story of the Atlanta bar owner who built a robot to spray water on the homeless outside of his establishment. Turns out an Australian man (kind of a theme today) decided to one-up the guy by building a robot that fires real bullets from a .22 caliber firearm.

robots.gifOf course, the inevitable happened when the robot turned on its creator and fired multiple shots into the man’s head — killing him instantly. Here’s the measured Fox News headline:

Australian Man Gunned Down in Driveway by Killer Robot

A close look at the story reveals that this robot is even more cunning than the headline suggests. Not only did the mechanical goon off the 81 year-old-man in cold blood, but it actually created a fake suicide note and did Google searches for assisted suicide machines to cover its tracks:

The Gold Coast man, who lived alone, left notes of his plans and thoughts as he struggled to come to terms with demands by interstate relatives that he move out his home and into care.

Really, robots? That’s the best story you could come up with? Dragging this man’s family situation into it? At long last, robots, have you no decency?

Added: I think now would be a good time for all of us to get our hands on some Old Glory Robot Insurance. They eat old people’s medicine for fuel, you know.

Australian Man Gunned Down in Driveway by Killer Robot [Fox News]

8 Comments

Filed under journalism