Tag Archives: cowpocalypse

Cows more stompy, more killy this year

You lookin' at me, guv'nah?

You lookin' at me, guv'nah?

British authorities cast down their crumpets and rang their local constabularies this week to report that the cows are going bloody beserk! Four people have been killed by rampaging cows this summer alone, a situation I’m sure Fox News will blame on Britain’s perfectly good health care system. Oh, and dogs. Librul, librul dogs:

Cows have been thought to be generally docile, and this remains true, the National Farmers’ Union emphasised yesterday. However, the NFU pointed to the fact that at least two of the four deaths involved walkers with dogs, which may be a factor in turning cows from placid cud-chewing bystanders into potential killers.

“Cows can get aggressive in the presence of dogs, especially if they have their calves with them,” Robert Sheasby, the NFU’s rural surveyor, said yesterday. “They see the dog as a threat, and take exception to it. Cows are generally placid and docile, but when a mother animal feels the protection of her offspring is at risk, temperaments can change.”

Only 18 people have been killed by cattle of any kind in the past eight years, so the four dead this summer are statistically significant at least. My theory is that the cows finally found out what’s in a Cornish pasty. Mincemeat is made out of fruit, but something called a pasty is made out of meat? Makes a lot of sense, British people.

Hoofed and dangerous: Britain’s killer cows [Independent]

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