Tag Archives: geese

An open letter to geese

Pax Arcana

Dear Geese,

plane2This letter is to inform you that your unprovoked attack on US Air flight 1549 demands a response that is both swift and total. Know that we humans will not sit by idly while you launch suicide missions into our jet engines.

It did not have to be this way, geese.

In the beginning, the races of goose and man were united in our quest for the common good. Geese gave man eggs for sustenance and down for warmth. Man gave goose in-ground pools for for swimming and golf courses for shitting on.

We even told our children tales of golden eggs — so prized was our friendship with geese.

But then geese began biting our butts and the hostilities were begun. We invented foie gras and you shat on things other than golf courses. We started cooking you with your heads on at Chinese restaurants and you bundled tranches of risky mortgage-backed securities until it ruined our economy.

And now this.

Be warned, geese, that this aggression shall not stand. Whether by inventing entirely new gavage techniques or perfecting our goose-sniffing robot cats, we will exact our revenge. And you will know the full might of our race.

Sincerely,

Pax Arcana

Pilot Is Hailed After Jetliner’s Icy Plunge [NYT]

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Filed under food

Does a goose poop in the sky?

Pax Arcana

The answer, apparently, is “not usually.”

Geese, famous for their copious defecation, are less likely to defecate when they are flying than when they are grazing and walking on the ground, and they tend to empty their cloacas upon takeoff, cutting down on the risk to bystanders, said Laura Erickson, science editor at the Cornell Laboratory of Ornithology. Also, she said, geese tend to take off in a direction away from people, and the droppings quickly break up into small packets in the air.

Oh man. My friends in the Society for the Study of Goose Defecation are gonna be sooooo into this.

Aerial Peril [NY Times]

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Filed under science