Tag Archives: Mars

Friday Random 10: Moons Over Mars Edition

Last month we brought you the sad news that our brave Mars robot — Spirit — was stuck in some deep sand on the surface of Mars with little hope of escape. The poor guy is still trapped there, but was recently able to make even more history by taking this photograph of the twin moons of Phobos and Deimos orbiting the red planet:

As you can see from these images — the first time these moons have ever been photographed from the surface of Mars — Phobos and Deimos are plainly not made of cheese. Rather they are giant floating skulls — the remnants of a once-proud civilization of 5,000 foot tall space aliens. Just kidding. They were faked in a sound stage in Burbank.

The songs:

Brackett, WI — Bon Iver
Dominos — The Big Pink
Twilight Galaxy — Metric
Holidays in the Sun — Sex Pistols
I Won’t Be Found — The Tallest Man on Earth
On A Plain — Nirvana
Omaha — Counting Crows
Hank — Jay Bennett
Lines — Tapes N Tapes
Together — The Raconteurs

Bonus Video:

Out of the Blue — Julian Casablancas (Live at Le Grand Journal)

The Rules: The Friday Random 10 is exactly that — random. We open up our iTunes, set the thing on shuffle, and listen to 10 songs. We are not permitted to skip any out of embarrassment or fear of redundancy. Commenters are encouraged to post their own.

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Friday Random 10: Fading Spirits Edition

mars_spirit

Sad news from Mars this week as NASA officials are openly questioning the future of the Spirit rover, which has been cruising the surface of the red planet for six years. It’s not out of batteries or anything. It’s just kind of, well, stuck:

In April, Spirit’s wheels broke through a hard crust on the Martian surface and encountered loosely packed fine sand beneath. Initial attempts to drive the rover out ended up with it instead sinking deeper into the trap.

Engineers set up a sand box at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, Calif., and positioned a sister rover inside to try to figure out a way for Spirit to free itself.

“We’ve pretty much exhausted all the possibilities, all the things that we can do on the ground,” rover project manager John Callas told Discovery News.

With the cold Martian winter on its way, the Spirit could be in danger of dying if it can’t get out of the soft sand and toward the sun — where its solar panels could collect enough energy to keep it alive during the winter. I think I speak for all robot enthusiasts when I say “Beeeep boop, brave Spirit. Beep boop beeeeeep.”

The songs:

Save us S.O.S. — Hot Hot Heat
My Little Corner of the World — Yo La Tengo
Naked as a Window — Josh Ritter
Everybody Knows that You Are Insane — Queens of the Stone Age
Hold Time — M. Ward
Bright Lights — Pete and the Pirates
Dominos — The Big Pink
How To Fight Loneliness — Wilco
Your Southern Can is Mine — The White Stripes
Let’s Not Shit Ourselves — Bright Eyes

Bonus video:

Brooklyn Zoo — Ol’ Dirty Bastard (Kind of a requiem on the 5-year anniversary of his death)

The Rules: The Friday Random 10 is exactly that — random. We open up our iTunes, set the thing on shuffle, and listen to 10 songs. We are not permitted to skip any out of embarrassment or fear of redundancy. Commenters are encouraged to post their own.

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Martian skull will give you space nightmares

Pax Arcana

After reading several things on the Internet, it has become clear to me that there are several truths of our earthly existence that the government does not want us to know.

For example, did you know that the government puts fluoride in our water as a means of mass mind control? It’s true. Oh sure, they say fluoride has been proven to promote good dental health and reduce cavities in children by as much as 40%. And you probably believe that, because it seems to make sense and there is scientific evidence for it. And that’s how I know you’re a mind-control victim and can’t be trusted.

The latest example of a government cover-up comes to us all the way from outer space. Mars, to be exact.

The below photograph was taken by the NASA Spirit rover on the surface of Mars. In it, you can clearly see the skull of an alien, complete with eye sockets and a pointy nose.

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As reported in the UK Telegraph, several Internet readers are abuzz with speculation about the picture and will surely be visited by men in dark suits later this week:

One alien-spotter speculated: “The skull is 15 cm with binocular eyes 5 cm apart. The cranial capacity is approximately 1400 cc.

“There appears to be a narrow pointed small mouth, so this creature most likely is a carnivore.”

NASA says the alien skull is just a boulder, and that the eyes and nose are just natural indentations and protrusions. But you and I know better, don’t we? I mean can you really trust the organization that faked the moon landing to not fake a Mars rover and then not lie about an alien skull lying on the surface for all to see?

Of course you do. Because you’ve been drinking the fluoride.

‘Alien skull’ spotted on Mars [Telegraph]

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Mars is dirty

Pax Arcana

NASA’s $420 million Phoenix lander finally landed this weekend and found what it was looking for — Phoenix.

Of course, this photo isn’t actually from Phoenix. It’s from a top-secret computer-enhanced photo studio in central Florida, bankrolled by an international cabal of tax-plundering neo-aristocrats whose membership includes no less than the Queen of England and German soccer superstar Michael Ballack.

NASA, adhering strictly to its fictional storyline, swears the photo is the first-ever taken from the surface of Mars — the planet so legendary they named a candy bar after it.

“It was better than we could have possibly wished for,” said Barry Goldstein, the project manager for the mission. “We rehearsed over and over again. We rehearsed all of the problems, and none of them occurred. It was perfect, just the way we designed it.”

At 9:53 p.m., there were more cheers as confirmation came that one more critical event, the unfolding of the solar arrays, had occurred without problem. And then the first pictures arrived: black-and-white images of the solar panels, of one of the lander’s footpads and of surrounding terrain, showing the polygonal fractures caused by repeated expansion and contraction of the underground ice.

Underground ice, huh?

Look, NASA, I’ll give you a freebie. If you want us to believe that you landed a space machine on some faraway planet called “Mars,” you’d better do better than this. Like I suppose the Martians just stick their ice in the ground to keep it cold. You ever see what happens when you drop an ice cube from your daiquiri on the ground? That’s right, it gets covered with ants. And dirt. And no matter how many times you lick it, you can never get all those ants and dirt off of it.

Give us some credit, scientists.

Mars Lander Transmits Photos of Arctic Terrain [New York Times]

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