Tag Archives: MLB

Father Scott: MLB postseason announcing problem solver

Father Scott

I’m not going to link to anything or post pictures or be funny. I just have a quick idea to float out there, and then I’ll leave you alone.

There’s plenty of complaining about announcing and announcers and it gets old to read about, but I actually think for the most part their problemsĀ are understandable. They’re often hired based on name recognition rather than skill, so you end up with the Joe Morgans and Emmitt Smiths of the world who make up words or make assumptions about things and basically add no value to a broadcast. And then when you get to the playoffs, networks choose theirĀ “best” announcers regardless of how much of a sport they have watched that year, or who they have focused on. If Tim McCarver has watched 75 Cardinals games this year, it doesn’t mean that he has anything insightful to add to a Phillies/Dodgers tilt, which is why he spends the whole time complaining about Manny Ramirez.

The MLB playoffs have been full of inanity. Buck Martinez, who drives me crazy because of the way he says Ortiz, and also because he sounds like the slimy senator in the Godfather, made a comment last night during the Rays/Red Sox broadcast along the lines of the fact that most Red Sox fans may not know who Matt Garza is, or that he’s capable of dominating. News flash: The Rays were the best team in our division, we faced them like 97 times this regular season. We know who Matt Garza is.

But I guess this isn’t entirely Buck Martinez’s fault. How is he to know what Red Sox fans do or do not know? It’s true that most baseball fans might be shaky on the guy, so I guess it’s plausible for him to make the next step in assumptions. And no matter how much research he does, you can’t really understand a team or its fan base by cramming for a week. You have to live through the ups and downs and understand the team’s problems and strengths based on something other than whatever grabs the national headlines.

So his problem isn’t a lack of baseball knowledge, it’s (well, in addition to being annoying) that he doesn’t know who these teams are particularly well (at least compared to every other team), nor does he know the fanbases.

Well, you know who does? The teams’ regular color announcers. So, here’s a solution to make your broadcasts more enjoyable, TBS: Even if you want to force some boring announcer like Chip Caray down our throats (or Joe Buck, Fox), fill your three-man booth with a color announcer for each team.

Grab Remy, or if he doesn’t want to do it, grab a radio guy. And then add whatever two-bit lounge singer the Rays employ to do their games. Then when Chip says something general like “this isn’t the Josh Beckett we’ve grown accustomed to seeing,” Remy could pipe in that this is what we’ve seen all year, so it’s not that much of a surprise, you ridiculous douche.



Filed under media, sports

A blog that’s the bomb like tick, tick

Father Scott

The only thing I’ve liked more than my beard in 2008 is Lil Wayne. Suffice it to say that when this year’s top 3,491 songs of 2008 series of posts on Pax Arcana rolls around, Tha Carter III will be featured prominently.

And now Lil Wayne has joined the likes of noted luminaries Andre Ethier, Marshawn Lynch, and Ben Yoon in the blogosphere.

Lil Wayne’s blog is hosted by ESPN, which means that a trust-fund-aided Princeton student likely types it up and intentionally misspells a few things that Wayne has recorded on a voicemail. He proved his sports fanhood by tattooing ESPN on his arm a few months ago, which, based on his propensity for ink, means that ESPN is one of his 400,000,000 favorite things in the world.

Anyway, a few points of interest: Mr. Carter is a Packers and Red Sox fan, but still cheers for departed players Brett Favre and Manny Ramirez. The New Orleans Nightmare even responds to reader feedback asking why he isn’t a Saints fan:

People were also asking in the blog comments why don’t I like the Saints? I do like the Saints, but I’m not a Saints fan first, and that’s only because that shows my true love for sports. I’m not just gonna choose a favorite team just ’cause that’s my city. The only reason why I’m a Saints fan is because that’s my city, but I’m a true Packers fan.

Cogent. And his thoughts on the baseball playoffs, which start in mere moments.

The Red Sox start the playoffs this week, and my thoughts are up in the air about them because, honestly, their chances are up in the air. I’m so grateful they made the post-season, but I’m kind of not sure about them. You know how you can envision a team in the World Series? I don’t see them. I close my eyes and I see the Tampa Bay Rays. I’m a big emotion guy. I’m a heart guy, and I think they all play that way.

Might as well go on the record (since my NFL picks seem to be going so well): I like Sox over Rays and Dodgers over Brewers in the championship series, with the Sox getting another title over LA in 5.

Keep your eye on the ball, kids

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What do the Red Sox do with their days off?

Pax Arcana

For most of us, the five-day work week is followed by two days of rest — or, in my case, two days of falconry and herpetoculture. We’re all happy for any time away from the office, but it somehow wouldn’t make sense if days off came in ones and not twos.

Major League Baseball players work under exactly those conditions. They play 10 or 11 days in a row and then have the odd off day to enjoy with their road hos families.

The Red Sox just finished a series in Toronto, and are off today before heading down to New York tomorrow for another series of four-hour marathon games against the Yankees. It’s enough to make me wonder what the Red Sox do with their off-days. Here are a few of my thoughts:

Dustin Pedroia — Hangs out at local middle school playgrounds, tries to get into dodgeball games.

Jason Varitek — Squats through simulated 12-inning game in his basement. Loses. Plays again.

Jason Bay — Drains aboot 15 Molsons and dominates air hockey.

Coco Crisp — Registers http://www.cocolocorococo.com. Googles “rococo.”

Kevin Youkilis — Knocks on Varitek’s basement door. Wants in on next game.

Jonathan Papelbon — Finally finishes model brontosaurus from the Museum of Science gift shop.

David Ortiz — Immerses self in hot tub full of mangu.


Filed under baseball

Major League Baseball owns everything

Pax Arcana

Last week I pointed out the dorky awesomeness of the iPhone Baseball application, which loaded every single statistic in the history of professional baseball into my phone faster than the Millennium Falcon made the Kessel Run (want to know how Cincinnati Killers pitcher Wild Bill Widner got his nickname? Probably because he walked four batters and hit two more in his only professional appearance in 1891).

This morning word came that the sun had indeed risen again, the tides came in and went out on schedule, and and Major League Baseball (MLB) is acting like it owns everything even remotely related to baseball. Now they’re threatening to sue the guy who made the Baseball application for trademark infringement.

From PC World:

On Monday Michigan’s Mark Knopper, owner and sole employee of Bulbous Ventures, received an email from MLB Advanced Media demanding that he remove baseball team logos from his program along with a nearly imperceptible MLB logo used on the application program shortcut. MLB Advanced Media also expressed concern people might wrongfully assume his program was an official MLB iPhone App. MLB also made available its own iPhone app on last week, MLB.com At Bat ($5).

“All of a sudden this labor of love of mine became more labor than love,” Knopper says. The avid Detroit Tiger fan says he will comply, but admits disappointment. Knopper, a self-employed Mac programmer, created the Baseball iPhone App for pure amusement and thought it would “cool to just give the program away for free to other baseball fans” like him, he says.

Listen buddy — baseball isn’t for “fans.” Baseball is for sponsorships, tie-ins with film and television studios, and the protection of the brand vis a vis statistics and logos. Letting so-called “fans” feel a sense of ownership over their favorite teams or statistical metrics just introduces unwanted irritants into the sweet, sweet honeypot of America’s past time (trademark pending).

By the way the Mets have won 11 of their last 13 and are tied for first.


Send all cease and desist letters to:
Pax Arcana
1313 Your Mama’s House
Metsville, USA

iPhone App Maker Gets Hit With Major League Cease and Desist [PC World]

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MLB cancels baseball off-season

The Boston Red Sox won the World Series on October 28, 2007. This may seem like recent history to a town that only recently scrapped its anti-witchcraft ordinance, but it was actually three weeks ago.

Since then, Major League Baseball has launched a campaign of strategically timed events and announcements to keep itself in the spotlight — clinging to the fading remnants of fall as the last leaves drop from the trees and crunch underfoot. Unless you’re from Orlando, in which case your leaves are probably plastic.

First, baseball spread out its post-season honorifics to maximize exposure, announcing each award separately and sometimes weeks apart. It was still light jacket weather in Boston when Dustin Pedroia won Rookie of the Year. Yesterday it was snowing as Jimmy Rollins was handed the NL MVP.

Other MLB-generated media “events” include the November GM meeting, which never actually generates news beyond the hyperbolic speculations of failed GMs-turned-broadcasters.

Today we surf through our ESPN.com RSS feed and find the following headline:

Bug spray among items being auctioned by MLB

That’s right. Major League Baseball is auctioning off a can of bug spray used on the field during Game 2 of the Indians/Yankees ALDS. You may remember that swarms of midges descended upon the players during the game, attracted to the smell of rotting carcass that followed the 2007 Yankees everywhere they went.

Afterward they showered together

Other items up for bid include hand warmers used by the Red Sox in Game 3 of the World Series and a Manny Ramirez-autographed ball. On principle, we refuse to link you to the auction.

We understand the need to stay relevant in the minds of your fans, but this attention-grabbing behavior must stop. Tomorrow, MLB (“What? Steroids? Really?”) will put on a clown suit and ride a tricycle through Times Square. Next week? Cooch flash.

Bug spray among items being auctioned by MLB [AP]

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