Tag Archives: MRI

Spina Perryiana: Inside the backbone of Perry Ellis

Perry Ellis

MRIs are all the rage around these parts lately. I had one earlier this week to determine whether my persistent and sometimes excruciating back pain was due to the poison toad I ate in a remote jungle in Borneo as part of a pre-zombie-hunt purification rite, or something more prosaic like a herniated disc:


Perry Ellis shows some backbone.

As you can see, the Matchbox car I swallowed as a child is no longer a problem. But aside from having completely digested a Porche 960, the image reveals a couple of more serious issues:


It’s a twofer!

Turns out I have two herniated discs, which are pressing on the nerve roots at the base of my spinal column. It’s a bit uncomfortable.

But the good news is that later today a doctor will take a long needle and insert it into my spine, making me the first one in the family to get an epidural (sorry, Mrs. Ellis, but I win this race). The needle will convey some painkiller and anti-inflammatory steroids to the site of the herniations, providing (I’m told) fairly instantaneous relief.

So the next time you see me, Pax, I’ll not only be pain free but totally pumped up and buff. It’s science!

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Pax Cranium: Inside the mind of Pax Arcana

Pax Arcana

This morning, Pax Arcana had an MRI on my noggin to determine whether my intermittent arm numbness is caused by carpal tunnel syndrome, a pinched nerve, or the lingering effects of that zombie poison the natives sprayed at me in the Haitian jungle (Spring Break ’99! Woot woot!!).

These days, they hand you a CD of the images the machine generates when you leave the MRI center. You then take them to your doctor, who points out where the Q-Tips and paste bottle tips must have gotten lodged. Before that happens, though, you put the CD into your computer at work and look at disturbing images of your brain, carotid artery, and blood vessels with Father Scott.

Here is what my brain looks like (click to enlarge):


The Neanderthal-like protruding brow says it’s working

To help you navigate this image, I have created a guided tour of my brain below. It’s a complex mechanism, so I was forced to leave out some of the smaller areas, but the majority of it is correct:


(Click to enlarge. No seriously, dude. Clicking this will enlarge my brain. Please?)

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