Tag Archives: New Jersey

Friday Random 10: Jersey Shore Edition

Last night marked the debut of one of the television season’s most anticipated shows, the regrettable “Jersey Shore” on MTV. Basically the premise of this show is to follow a group of the stupidest guidos on the planet as they dog-paddle through their shallow existence at a certain outpost in New Jersey — official maligned home state of Pax Arcana.

I did not see the premiere episode last night, but I checked up with Gawker’s live-blog-in-the-comments to get an appraisal of the event. I got as far as this:


Some critics say “Jersey Shore” is anti-Italian, since it glorifies the worst stereotypes of young Italian-American culture. I partly agree, since I know several meatball slurpers — our own Perry Ellis is one! — who do not ritualistically cruise around with spiked hair and oversized sunglasses and punch girls in the fucking face. On the other hand, holy SHIT you should have seen my high school. Just filled with knuckledragging ziti weiners like this. Christ almighty, I’ll take a pugnacious newsboy hat-wearing Boston mook moron any day of the week over these greasy bastards. No offense, Perry.

The songs:

Walls in Time — Bob Mould
Two Times Blue — Debbie Harry
Fame Throwa — Pavement
One PM Again — Yo La Tengo
Pink Turns To Blue — Husker Du
Get Older — Dan Deacon
XMas Curtain — My Morning Jacket
Lucifer’s Jigsaw — Jaydiohead
Baltimore — Steven Malkmus and the Jicks
Big Love — Broken Social Scene Presents… Kevin Drew

Bonus Video:

Fake Empire / It’s Christmas So We’ll Stop — Frightened Rabbit

The Rules: The Friday Random 10 is exactly that — random. We open up our iTunes, set the thing on shuffle, and listen to 10 songs. We are not permitted to skip any out of embarrassment or fear of redundancy. Commenters are encouraged to post their own.


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Friday Random 10: Righteous Fury Edition

Pax Arcana

Ticketmaster has long been the troll under the bridge for concert fans. Not only did the ticket vendor muscle its way into a virtual monopoly over the past few decades, but it has behaved in outright boorish fashion, tacking on so many “convenience charges” and other crap that tickets inevitably end up costing near double what they’re worth.

Thank God the good people of New Jersey — via their elected leadership — are refusing to give up without a fight. Congressman Bill Pascrell (D) recently asked the Federal Trade Commission to investigate Ticketmaster for one of its slimy practices.

Basically Ticketmaster put Bruce Springsteen tickets up for sale, then rewarded thousands of online ticket buyers with an ERROR message, then redirected those prospective buyers to TicketsNow — a ticket reseller that offers hard-to-find tickets for a huge markup. Did you follow that? Good. Now guess who owns TicketsNow. If you said anything other than “Ticketmaster” you should poke yourself in the eye:

“I am troubled by how quickly tickets priced exponentially higher became available on the secondary market to thousands of rejected fans, many who also endured unfortunate technical problems on Ticketmaster.com,” Pascrell said in a letter to U.S. investigators.

Ticketmaster spokesman Albert Lopez declined to comment about Pascrell’s call for an investigation. He said the company is trying to contact the “very small number” of fans who encountered the technical glitch to complete those transactions. He wouldn’t say exactly how many fans this involved.

I hope Mr. Lopez appreciates who he’s dealing with here. You don’t get into elective office in New Jersey without strong support from the kind of unions that lose prominent members to “fishing accidents” at an impossible rate. Am I saying Congressman Bill Pascrell has had people killed? No. Am I not saying that? Yes. Am I not saying I would never say anything like that? I think I’ve made myself clear.

The songs:

Clark Gable — The Postal Service
Funky cold Medina — Tone Loc (YEAH THAT’S RIGHT!)
John Wayne Gacy, Jr. — Sufjan Stevens
Tramp — Otis Redding and Carla Thomas
Anvil — Tapes N Tapes
Old White Lincoln — The Gaslight Anthem
Sea Legs — The Shins
Disarm — Smashing Pumpkins
You Can’t Hurry Love — The Supremes
Black Wave/Bad Vibrations — Arcade Fire

Bonus Video:

Fallin — De La Soul and Teenage Fan Club

The Rules: The Friday Random 10 is exactly that — random. We open up our iTunes, set the thing on shuffle, and listen to 10 songs. We are not permitted to skip any out of embarrassment or fear of redundancy. Commenters are encouraged to post their own.


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Yay New Jersey!

Pax Arcana

Behold! The skies have parted and a mighty rain falls on the land this day, my friends! It is the rain of triumph over futility! It is the rain of victory over defeat!

It is the rain of a thousand lifetimes of strife being washed away!

njitFor today, my friends, the mighty New Jersey Institute of Technology (NJIT) basketball team calls itself a winner, having snapped a 51-game losing streak by beating powerhouse Bryant College 61-51!

The Highlanders won for the first time since Feb. 19, 2007, when they defeated Longwood 78-74. It was NJIT’s first home win since Feb. 8, 2007, against South Dakota State.

The school is in its third season as a Division I program, and the Highlanders are 6-71 since making the step up from Division II. They went winless last season after posting a 5-24 record in 2006-07.

Verily did the Highlanders win this contest by divine intervention and seemingly obvious basketball tactics:

“During practice before the game, coach (Engles) told me to look at the rim and find shots within the offense,” said (Jheryl) Wilson, a product of St. Benedict’s Prep who hails from Irvington.

What light! What hope!

NJIT ends 51-game skid with win over Bryant [AP]
NJIT’s Jheryl Wilson never stopped giving it his best shot [NJ.com]

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Merry Christmas, bitches

Pax Arcana

The lithe and generous Mrs. Pax Arcana and I are heading down to the homeland tonight for the annual festival of pagan rituals disguised as religio-fascistic greed worship and debt mongering.

The bottom line is this — don’t expect any posting for the next few days. I will miss you all terribly. Shhhhh. Don’t speak. Your eyes say it all.


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Dolphins agree: New Jersey is awesome

Pax Arcana

A few months ago, we wrote about a group of bottlenose dolphins who had sought refuge in the rivers of New Jersey to escape the clutches of underwater zombies.

The AP reports those dolphins must have liked what they saw, because they ain’t leaving. And animal rescue types are getting nervous that they may turn into dolphinsicles if they don’t get back out to the ocean pronto:

Animal advocates have wanted for months to coax or shoo the animals back out to sea, citing several previous instances in which dolphins took a wrong turn, ended up in the river and died when weather got too cold.

They worry that waiting too long could invite a replay of a scenario that resulted in the deaths of four dolphins that lingered in the river in 1993. Ice eventually closed in on them and they drowned.

Researchers are also concerned that spending too much time at the Jersey Shore could cause the dolphins to devolve into a more primitive species, such as the guido dolphin:


Scientists aren’t sure why the dolphins haven’t left the rivers yet, but think it may have something to do with what they’re hearing. They suspect that noises from a nearby bridge project may be scaring the dolphins away from heading in the direction of the ocean.

In a related story, one underwater zombie said “BB(burble)RRRAAAAIA(burble)AAIIIINNSSS!!”

And of course we’d be breaking tradition at this point if we didn’t post this:


The Brotherhood of the Flying Shark Vikings is here to protect you, my dolphin friends! Swim for the ocean!!

Underwater recordings may hold clues to why wayward dolphins stay in 2 New Jersey rivers [AP]

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Thursday Jersey Filler: Chunky Pam

Pax Arcana

“Greasy spoon in my mouth, got the whole world on a plate…”

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Friday Random 10: The Sun Always Rises Edition

Pax Arcana

It’s been a brutal week for Pax Arcana, as I tried desperately to cram four weeks of work into two before taking a week off. That explains both the lack of posting and the relative incoherence of content.

But tomorrow morning, I’ll be waking up to this — sunrise at the Jersey Shore:

Which makes it all worthwhile.

Anyway, if you don’t hear from me for a few days, you’ll know why. Of course I said the same thing last year and ended up posting like three times a day. Something about fresh local tomatoes and flounder gets the creative juices flowing.

Oh yeah, and Scotch. Lots of it.

Onto the songs:

Bop Gun — Parliament
Where Fugees At? — Wyclef
Bargain — The Who (Live in San Francisco, 1971)
Broken Drum — Beck
The Ballad of Love and Hate — The Avett Brothers
Johnny Viola — Shearwater
Souled Out!!! — Conor Oberst
Ain’t Too Proud to Beg — The Temptations
I Don’t Know For Sure — Hüsker Dü
Fast Blood — Frightened Rabbit

Bonus Video:

Waving Flags — British Sea Power, Live at Later…

The Rules: The Friday Random 10 is exactly that — random. We open up our iTunes, set the thing on shuffle, and listen to 10 songs. We are not permitted to skip any out of embarrassment or fear of redundancy. Commenters are encouraged to post their own.


Filed under music

Guido Beach

Pax Arcana

The countdown to the Pax Arcana Jersey Shore vacation continues with a anthropological expedition to Guido Beach. We’ll do our own surveillance.

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Dolphins find refuge from underwater zombies in New Jersey

Pax Arcana

Dolphins are gentle creatures — full of mirth and joy and delicious dolphin meat — and thus would rather flee from vicious underwater zombies than fight them head-on.

The AP reports that 15 dolphins have fled into the murky rivers of New Jersey, and show no signs of leaving:

Environmental officials and volunteers are considering various plans to try to either lure or scare the dolphins out of the river into Sandy Hook Bay and out into the ocean. But each poses potential problems, including stressing the animals, Frady said.

A team of experts from as far away as Massachusetts and North Carolina is being assembled and could be deployed on the river this week if conditions worsen for the dolphins.

I know what you’re thinking, and don’t worry, I’ve got it covered. If the situation gets too dangerous for the dolphins in the river, and they need an escort out to sea, I will personally blow the Great Horn of Hammarskjöld and call upon the Brotherhood of the Flying Shark Vikings.

Don’t worry, dolphins. We haven’t lost one of you yet.

No immediate plans to move dolphins from NJ river [AP]


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Forest ninja eludes the cops

Pax Arcana

Police in New Jersey locked down local public schools after someone spotted a ninja running through the woods behind an elementary school. The schools were reopened when the cops determined that the ninja was actually a camp counselor on his way to a costume party…


… proving once again that the combination of ninjas and camp counselors makes the Pax Arcana army an unstoppable force of stealth and deception. And they laughed at me at the Laser Tag convention.

School locked down after ‘ninja’ sighted in woods [Boston.com]

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