Tag Archives: art

Dead people be doin’ it

Pax Arcana

larry_kingAmong the more clever zombie threats of recent years has been the popular art exhibits of German artist Gunther von Hagens, who displays cadavers and in various positions and states of disrepair to the gawking delight of paying guests. Not only do the Bodyworlds exhibits fill the war chests of our zombie enemies, they also serve to inure the living to the danger posed by the shuffling hordes of the undead.

Von Hagens is clearly a war profiteer, but his latest stunt proves he is a traitor to his living brethren.

As reported in the Guardian, von Hagens has stirred some controversy lately by posing two corpses in mid-coitus:

The exhibition has drawn angry protests from a cross-party group of politicians as well as church representatives. They have called for the work to be withdrawn, saying it is pornographic and an insult to the dead.

Alice Ströver, an MP for the Green party, said: “This couple is simply over the top, and it shouldn’t be shown.”

Frankly I didn’t know any kind of sex acts were too “over the top” for the Germans, but I guess I’ll take your word for it.

But these goodly MPs and churchgoing wurst-slurpers are missing the entire point. By showing two dead people having sex, von Hagens is almost certainly desensitizing humans to the idea of zombie procreation. Within a few years they’ll start agitating for government-funded Head Start programs for their little brain-eaters and buying three-bedroom houses in the suburbs. The hippies in your town will argue that we should “bring the zombies into the fold” in order to quell their violent urges, but before long your property values will plummet and your kids will be hanging out behind the abandoned warehouse.

“So what if I ate some brains last night?” they scream at you from the top of the stairs. “I’m 14 now and I can do what I want!!”

Fucking zombies.

Fury at exhibit of corpses having sex [Guardian]

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Streetfights! Swordsmen! Artists! Scandals! Puns!

Pax Arcana

van_goghIf the central thesis of a new book by a pair of art historians is correct, everything you knew about how Vincent Van Gogh lost his ear is wrong.

When we were kids, we were told he cut his own ear off after being jilted by the love of his life. When we were teenagers they finally told us that he was a bit deranged and the “love of his life” was really a local prostitute.

Now it seems the mystery has even deeper and smellier layers of onion [Ed Note — I’m pretty sure I’m using this metaphor incorrectly].

The researchers claim that Van Gogh did not even cut his own ear off. Instead it was severed by…

… his contemporary artist Paul Gaugin!!

Van Gogh and Gauguin’s troubled friendship was legendary. In 1888, Van Gogh persuaded him to come to Arles in the south of France to live with him in the Yellow House he had set up as a “studio of the south”. They spent the autumn painting together before things soured. Just before Christmas, they fell out. Van Gogh, seized by an attack of a metabolic disease became aggressive and was apparently crushed when Gauguin said he was leaving for good.

Kaufmann told the Guardian: “Near the brothel, about 300 metres from the Yellow House, there was a final encounter between them: Vincent might have attacked him, Gauguin wanted to defend himself and to get rid of this ‘madman’. He drew his weapon, made some movement in the direction of Vincent and by that cut off his left ear.” Kaufmann said it was not clear if it was an accident or an aimed hit.

Of course they didn’t have Twitter back then, so we’ll never really know what happened. What we do know is that Van Gogh proceeded to deliver his ear to the brothel with a note that said “Ear you go!” Haha just kidding. It said “Sorry for being so ear-rational!”

Art historians claim Van Gogh’s ear ‘cut off by Gauguin’ [Guardian]

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Like Whistler’s Mother only with more broken glass

Pax Arcana

In America, when someone puts on a mask, spray paints the inside of a train, then smashes a window and hurls himself onto a platform in the station, we call it vandalism. In Sweden they call it an art project:

The unidentified student included video of the vandalism in his thesis at the University College of Arts, Crafts and Design. The school said it doesn’t allow students to break the law, but added it wasn’t clear whether the student participated in the vandalism or merely recorded it.

train_car
Train vandalism is on the rise in Sweden

Surprisingly, the Swedish authorities seem to be against this sort of highbrow post-postmodern expressionism:

Chairman Christer Wennerholm said the transit authority filed a complaint against the student Monday, demanding 100,000 kronor ($12,000) in damages.

That fine might not seem like much, but you have to consider how the global economic downturn has affected the intra-Scandinavia exhange rate. 100,000 Swedish kronor is the equivalent of 5,000 Icelandic shark carcasses or 22 Norwegian herring presses. In Finland you could buy 700 sauna rocks for that kind of money.

Swedish train vandalized as part of art thesis [AP]

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Your animal paintings are all wrong

Pax Arcana

dogPablo Picasso once said that art is the lie that tells the truth. He also said French chicks will screw anyone with a paint brush and a fancy grammaphone, but that’s beside the point.

The point is that artists sometimes get things wrong. And not on purpose, like the surrealists or whatever, but just because they don’t know which leg goes where when painting a dog or horse walking. Luckily we have some squirrely academic types to point this out for us:

After analyzing more than 300 depictions of walking animals in museums, veterinary books and toy models, the researchers report that in almost half of them the leg positions are wrong. The findings are published in the journal Current Biology.

The researchers studied only depictions where it could be determined unambiguously that the animal was walking, and not trotting or otherwise running, as in those gaits the leg movements may differ. (In walking, two or more legs are touching the ground at all times while in galloping, for example, there are moments when all the legs are lifted.)

The researchers found, for example, that a skeleton of a dog at a Finnish museum depicts the right hindleg in a rearward position while the right foreleg is lifted and moving forward. In a proper depiction the hindleg would be forward too, having moved before the foreleg.

It’s a good thing they didn’t interview any dogs for this story, since I happen to know that many of them are proud of their idiosyncratic walking styles. My Beagle — Hallgeir the King Slayer — busts into a sideways creep when approaching a female of the species. I call it his “pimp walk.”

In Lots of Animal Art, Wrong Foot Is Forward [NYT]

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The man who made things awesome

Pax Arcana

Have you ever seen this before?

nabisco

OK, how about this one?

shell

OK fine, but have you ever seen one of these before?

coke_bottle

If you recognize these branding icons and dozens of others, then you’re already familiar with the life’s work of Raymond Loewy, French expatriate and creator of many of the world’s most influential industrial designs.

Wired celebrated Loewy’s 115th birthday yesterday with a short reflection on Loewy’s influence over fields ranging from soft drinks to space travel:

Loewy’s classic designs include the Coca-Cola bottle, the sleek-sided 1929 Gestetner duplicating machine, the Pennsylvania Railroad’s streamlined S-1 Locomotive, the World War II Lucky Strike cigarette package, the 1954 Greyhound Bus, JFK’s Air Force One, and corporate logos for Exxon, Shell and dozens of other firms.

But wait, there is more: the 1947 line of Hallicrafter radio receivers that influenced home sound-system design through the 1970s, Studebaker’s 1947 Starlight coupe, 1953 Starliner coupe and 1961 Avanti — the only auto exhibited in the Louvre — and the interiors of the Concorde and NASA’s Sky Lab and Space Shuttle.

His client list is also astonishing: Revlon, Faberge, Vogue, Harper’s Bazaar, Hanes, Levis, Butterick, Bulova, Omega, Mont Blanc, Seth Thomas, Rosenthal, Frigidaire, Formica, Koehler, IBM, Saks Fifth Avenue, Macy’s, Bloomingdale’s, Ford, GM, Chrysler, Studebaker, BMW, Jaguar and even the government of the Soviet Union.

Basically he’s the reason your grandparents’ old refrigerator seems so elegant, even as it drips rusty water all over the garage.

Nov. 5, 1893: A Design Star Is Born [Wired]

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Jesus was eating eels

Pax Arcana

Probably the most disturbing Bible story — at least to high-minded epicureans food snobs like Pax Arcana — is that of the transubstantiation. According to mainstream Christian dogma, Jesus turned the wine and bread served at the last supper into his blood and body. (And lo did his disciples say unto him “Aw, gurrrg, awww… what the F Jesus?” as they did spit bits of soft tissue and coagulated hemoglobin upon the ground).

But what about the other stuff? In Leonardo DaVinci’s masterpiece The Last Supper, bread and wine are not the only victuals on the table. There are plates of heretofore unidentified dishes scattered about the table-top. The rapid decay of the painting — writings from as far back as 1517 had already noted that it “had begun to spoil” — rendered many of the finer details of the work, including the actual type of food on the table, impossible to discern.

According to an article in Gastronomica (via Boing Boing), the mystery has now been solved. The 1997 restoration of The Last Supper has revealed that Jesus — at least in DaVinci’s imagination — spent his final evening pounding not only bread and wine, but also grilled eels.

Awesome.

Turns out the possibly-vegetarian DaVinci was likely inserting a bit of his own culture into the scene:

The eels in the Last Supper may or may not have been on Leonardo’s diet, but they certainly enhance the realism of the representation. Eels were especially popular in Renaissance Italy because they could survive out of water for days and be easily transported in grass-filled baskets or, once dead, be preserved in brine.15 According to Bartolomeo Scappi, the best ones came from Comacchio, near Ferrara. G.B. Rossetti, another sixteenth-century author, gives thirty different recipes for preparing them.

What is most remarkable about all of this is how it confirms my belief that I am an artistic visionary on par with DaVinci. In my own artistic interpretation of the life and meaning of Jesus, I also intimated that he ate eels before his crucifixtion.

OK, so they were electric eels. What are you, some kind of art critic now?

Last Supper Menu revealed: mmm, delicious eels [Boing Boing]
At Supper With Leonardo [Gastronomica PDF]

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They killed the art jacket

Pax Arcana

Most advocates for expansive stem cell research will cite potential benefits such as curing cancer or regrowing damaged human nerve cells.

Not this guy. I’m holding out for tiny living mouse jackets.

That’s why I was saddened to hear of the demise of the Victimless Leather exhibit at the New York Museum of Modern Art.


What, no Bunsen burner? You call this science?

The exhibit, created by Australian scientists, comprised an itty-bitty jacket made from embryonic stem cells taken from mice. The jacket was made of living, growing tissue fed by a tube full of nutrients.

Sadly, the tissue grew too fast and was clogging its own incubation system.  Show curator Paola Antonelli was then forced to pull the plug on the exhibit, effectively “killing” the living tissue. Then she got all squirrelly about the decision and started going all big picture on everyone’s ass:

“And [the artists] were back in Australia, so I had to make the decision to kill it. And you know what? I felt I could not make that decision. I’ve always been pro-choice and all of a sudden I’m here not sleeping at night about killing a coat…That thing was never alive before it was grown.”

She’s right. And think of all the tiny people who dream of one day owning tiny mouse-leather coats. What is to be done for them now, you jacket-slaying barbarian?

Click the image below to see an artist’s rendition of the jacket.

MoMA exhibit dies five weeks into show [Art Newspaper]

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